If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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