so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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