I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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