why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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