I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
