booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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