shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
