quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
