i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
NoShamevember. You game?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize