they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
