It's Friday. Sex?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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