Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
