you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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