My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
