i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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