Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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