Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
