Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
