I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
