i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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