how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
