you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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