U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
