"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
