i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
