Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
