She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
