i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
