so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
