so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You took a bar mat shot.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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