i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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