Ambien. No doubt about it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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