i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
