I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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