so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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