6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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