I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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