My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize