Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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