i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.