TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated