nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.