when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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