we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
