Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize