He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
