I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
