I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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