The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
