Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my being single is dangerous.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
