I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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