Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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