He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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