If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
