things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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