his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
