Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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