so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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